This just in!

Michael Brown, former head of FEMA, has been nominated for Chief Justice of the Supreme Court!

A smug, self-satisfied President Bush delivered the announcement earlier today with his usual shit-eating grin, adding, "Brownie - he's a heck of a guy. I think about him every. single. day."

Brown, a lawyer whose qualifications for the Supreme Court also include being David Souter's roommate at summer camp in 1968, and a stint as assistant to the waterboy for the Dunkin' Donuts Donutholes in 1971, appeared on CNN to discuss his nomination, displaying his trademark charisma-laden mask-like facies.

"To be honest, I'm still in a state of shock," he said. "Not about the nomination, but about the tragic attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11, which I just learned about a couple of hours ago."

President Bush, whose approval rating dipped into negative percentages for the first time, declined to intelligently comment further, stating that he was "off to play golf with O.J.," and that he preferred to "leave it to (White House Spokesperson) Scott McLellan to further lie to you and evade your questions."